Mariah Carey Flashback

The weirdest, most unexpected thing about this video isn't that Mariah and ODB did a remix together, nor is it the fact that a pop song about a fairytale fantasy of a romance contains the lyric, "whatcha gonna do when you get out of jail?" It's that fucking clown duct taped to the lamp post behind him. I have no idea what that's really about, but just look at that asshole! Nightmare, more like. He's clearly trying to drive a wedge in Mariah and ODB's video relationship. Thank god someone stopped him. Maybe it was ODB? And then he went to jail for it? That would explain the lyrics.

That being said, I do love that ODB inexplicably pops up in a page boy wig. It's very fetching.

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bachmann

Last night marked the beginning of the new reality television series, Celebritics. The title of the pilot: "The New Hampshire GOP Presidential Debate." Seven hopefuls are competing to become the next political apprentice: Bachmann, Romney, Paul, Santorum, Pawlenty, Cain, and the Gingrich. Here are some highlights:

• Democrats and liberals remain always wrong on everything
• The Constitution argues for a theocracy
• Conservative courts are viewed as a virtue and should be implemented everywhere
• Michelle Bachmann has an ipod
• Ron Paul prefers Blackberry to iPhone
• Limited government, except in cases of anything having anything remotely to do with anything they themselves don't like
• Nobama
• Memory loss and tax cuts for the super rich are crucial to success for memory loss and the super rich
• Say "Free Market" three times and paradise will appear in the mirror and, thus, in the world

Rinse and repeat.

Now, I found Michelle Bachmann's character fairly convincing as the less wacky version of herself. This only confirms my belief that children can behave in public. However, once the medication wears off, it's sociopath city. I'm crossing my fingers that the next episode will reflect as such.

To shave, or not to shave, that is the question...

Uhh...I um, okay, so obviously I prefer Zach with a full face of beard, but...
I have no problems with Zach minus beard. Nope, none. I'd hit that, too.

(Are we sure this isn't Zach's brother Seth? I'm gonna need some confirmation, thanks.)

via buzzfeed

I want some HAMM!

You've probably heard that Mad Men isn't coming back till sometime next year, and if you're like me, you're having withdrawal. But it's okay, because I declare today the day of Hamm in an effort to ease the pain. Let's celebrate, shall we?

Dear Diary: Sometimes when I look in Roger Sterling's eyes, I see my future. But how dreamy is that guy? Totes dreamy. Silver fox!

First up are some pictures of a deliciously scruffy Jon eating lunch with 30 Rock's own Jack McBrayer. Talk about some HAMMsome men! It's like two dreamboats in a...dreampod! There's even a puppy. And bacon. Tell me you're not DROOLING.

Next is a funny or die video featuring Mr. Hamm hanging out with a muppet-like yeti. Jon Hamm on a road trip with not only a muppet, but a yeti one? Who doesn't like cryptozoology? Be still, my heart! (Little known fact: the way to my heart is muppets. And any variety of dumpling.) And if you haven't watched his episode of "Between Two Ferns" go do it now.

Speaking of Jon Hamm and Zach Galifianakis, Jon "Honey Baked" Hamm apparently caressed Zach's belly at the White House Correspondents dinner. The New York Post is such a tease. Pics or it didn't happen, NYP! But thank you for that delightful mental image anyway.

Well, that's all I got. If you still feel like you need more Hamm, you can watch some Mad Men. (Duh.) Or 30 Rock. (Also duh.) Or maybe eat a ham sandwich, or perhaps some St. Louis BBQ, cause of how he's from St. Louis. Maybe do all four at once! You could also have sex with lots of female secretaries, smoke like a stack, drink like a fish, and then puke all over yourself while your co-worker pretends not to notice. The possibilities are endless! I personally plan to continue the celebration by writing some fan-fiction involving Jon, Jack, Zach, and the yeti.

This Week in Happy News: Sniff, Sniff, Hooray!

This kid is awesome and his enthusiasm for his candle collection is really endearing. Rainy day? Bamboo does sound like it'd be the perfect scent-track! He's a connoisseur of candles like Ralphie's Old Man from A Christmas Story is a connoisseur of turkey, so of course he's got good taste in scents. Cupcake, lavender, and this conservatory bamboo? Smells good to me!

Heather Morris is my favorite

From an interview with Esquire:

I can't stand it when someone comes up behind a girl and grabs her hips and tries to grind with her. It's offensive. Why would you do that to me?

Thank you, Heather Morris! If I didn't love you before, I love you now. And I love that you said this to Esquire.

And also this:

It's already embarrassing being in a club.

Duh.

Go here to read the rest of the interview and to see a video of her dancing skills.

Alec Baldwin Wearing an Apron

I did a google image search for "Alec Baldwin wearing an apron" and this is what came up. Perfect!

Yesterday Alec Baldwin sent the internet into a tizzy after he proclaimed that 30 Rock would end after next season. Even though he retracted his statements about the end of 30 Rock, Alec has been saying he's going to quit acting in 2012 since 2009. While I wish he and 30 Rock could go on forever, all good things must come to an end. And preferably they should end while on top, but not too soon a la Arrested Development or Veronica Mars. But all this got me wondering: how will we get our Alec Baldwin fix if he does finally quit?

Alec once famously stated (in my mind at least, as I can't find proof of this in the five minutes of googling I did) that when he quit acting he might take up scrap booking as a hobby. I mean, if he wanted to then start his own show that involves scrap booking and guests, like a male Martha Stewart, I'd probably definitely watch it. For one thing, He's got lots of hosting experience. (Examples: the 15 times he hosted SNL.) For another, he's good on semi-unscripted shows as evidenced by his delightful vegetable shopping bit for Barefoot Contessa Ina Garten. And he has a lovely, if raspy/whisper-y voice. Total proof that he could carry his own show.

Maybe All Booked Up with Alec (working title, obviously) could be of Alec actually making one of his scrap books, with the scrap book sitting on an easel so he could glue in the pictures and mementos and tell stories about them. Misty AWESOME colored memories, no doubt. It'd kinda be like Bob Ross painting happy little trees, but with happy little stickers and paper punches. Or maybe that's how the show would start, and then progress into a segment where he makes arts and crafts based off his career with his guests. Crocheted Kabletown beverage coozies with Tina Fey. Beetlejuice cross stitch with Geena Davis. "It's Complicated" pot brownies with Meryl Streep. You know, just regular crafts and stuff.

Who knows what will really happen next year. (Aliens? Robot dinosaurs? John Cusack saving us all? More bad 2012 jokes?) But if Alec does quit acting at least we'll always have Netflix. Unless Netflix quits the internet. Cross your fingers that doesn't happen!