Like, gag me with a spoon!

Nic Cage plays Randy, a Hollywood punk Romeo who falls in love with Julie, a valley girl Juliet. Julie's dad is an old hippie who runs a health food store (or restaurant?) and the woman who was the voice of Tommy Pickles on Rugrats plays her best friend. There's lots of authentic 80's fashion and music, lots of valley girl speak, and lots of scenes at the mall, because no duh, it's a teen movie. Love a Shakespearian remake!

Mustache Twins

Little known fact: before he worked for Pawnee city government, Ron Swanson appeared in episode 4 of season 2 of No Reservations. 

#Ronppelganger

I'd know that 'stache anywhere. 

Things I learned from Twilight: Breaking Dawn, Part 1

There be spoilers ahead.  

1) Vampires have excellent taste in real estate.  

All I can see is a modern tree house and I LOVE IT.

2) Werewolves are hotter than vampires, both literally and figuratively.  This is just my own personal preference here, but I thought the actors playing the vampires were so blandly attractive.  And in some cases not even remotely attractive.  #BadContactsAndWigs.

 

Hey, girl, we heard you like werewolves.

Oh Mike Dexter, what have they done to you?

3) That being said, Vampirism gives you killer eye make-up.

4) Vampires can be pro-life which is weird considering they're ya know, DEAD.

5) Edward is basically Dexter.  In an attempt to be honest with his soon to be bride, Edward tells Bella that at one point he was a very snarly teen aged vampire, and rebelled against his "vegitarian father," Carlyle and FED ON HUMANS!  (LIKE THE AWFUL, HUMAN FEEDING VAMPIRE HE IS.)  But he only fed on men that were going to do bad things to women, so it's cool, but not cool.  This causes Bella to swoon and she crosses her fingers that she will one day be the good vampire that Edward is.  (Barf, Bella.  Could you be any more of a feminist nightmare?  Oh, wait...) 

6) Bella was wearing pajama jeans during above scene.  I swear I saw an elastic waistband on her jeans.  (Note: This was pre-demon baby gestation.  Otherwise I would've bought her some pajama jeans to bring to her baby demon shower, cause she totes needed them.)  She also wore sneakers without socks, so you know her feet were smelly.  She WOULD.

Your jeans may say sassy, but that waistband screams slob.

7) Bella's mom may or may not have been drunk at her wedding.  When Bella's dad notices the Cullen's wall covered in their graduation caps, Bella's mother gets way too excited about the arts and crafts project. "Oh, neat-o!  CRAFTS!  BELLA, WHERE ARE YOUUUUU?!  Oh, right in front of my face!"  That is a verbatim quote.  (No it isn't.  But almost.)

8) When CGI werewolves mind-meld, hilarious beta (teen)wolf angst ensues.  They also fall in love with babies, in a romantic way.  No pedo, Jacob!

Like I said, hilarious.

9) Vampire on human sex is surprisingly boring outside of True Blood, and Edward is more chaste than a nun, despite breaking headboards and shit.  Talk about anti-climactic.  If you think about it, Twilight is pretty soapy, (Jacob is in love with his ex-girlfriend's baby!  Bella is on her deathbed--will Edward save her?  Yes, BY EATING THE BABY OUT OF HER) so you'd think the sex would be just as soapy and over the top.  But nope!  Prude city. 

10) Vampires use yahoo to find out about vampire-human babies.  Can we not even get a BING! search in here?  I think that if you've lived that long, you would know about vampire-human babies, or at least have some old, smelly, microfiche or books or woodcuts about it just lying around in your amazing modern tree house.  Whatevs, not everyone is a book lover like me, but I'm pretty sure Amazon would have some Vampire-Human Demon Spawn for Dummies on Kindle. 

Vampire teeth are extremely sharp, all the better to perform cesareans of DOOM.

11)  Apparently vampires will keep an almost endless supply of human blood on hand, but no other kind of blood.  Isn't that kinda weird for vampires who only drink animal blood and who might find themselves in a situation where they are trapped inside their beautiful house because their "son's" annoying wife is gestating a demon spawn that looks to be the size of an elephant and there are CGI werewolves outside threatening to eat them and they can't go hunt for animal blood?  No?  Okay then.  

12) Vampires are sticklers for spelling and grammar, as evidenced by my favorite scene in the movie that occurred after the main end credits.  I'd really like to know their opinions on the new additions to the OED and how they feel about the constantly changing nature of language.  Wait, that's Part Two, isn't it?  Just a whole movie about grammar and syntax and WORD NERDS?!  It's like college all over again!  Guys, lets make wall art using our mortar boards!

13) I probably should've seen the Muppets instead.

No duh.

Gobble, gobble

Poor Thanksgiving.  Between Halloween and Christmas you don't have a chance.  Everyone forgets about you, probably because you're all about (albeit delicious) food and not enough about drinking, dressing like a sexy slut, and presents.  Turkey?  Parades?  Football?  Relaxing with friends and family? Meh.  But I don't want to forget about you, Thanksgiving, because I love you and I love an underdog, and you are the underdog of the holiday season.  So this year I decided to do some Thanksgiving themed crafts in an attempt to keep the spirit alive.  And they all feature my favorite material--felt!  

A lovely autumnal wreath

Some felt leaf garland

Felt turkey, meet LEGO turkey, felt Ron Swanson, and FRS's pretty, dark haired girlfriend, Snow White

Little acorn guy

Just do you, Thanksgiving, and don't worry about the rest.  You're lovely just the way you are.

VHS Colored Memories

Remember how I was feeling nostalgic for VHS tapes?  Apparently I'm not the only one!  Joe Pickett and Nick Prueher of Found Footage Fest have published a book all about the crazy wonderful covers of VHS.

I know what's on my Christmas List!  (via)

There's also some pretty sweet VHS laptop skins and iphone covers over on flavorwire along with some VHS art.  (Flavorwire is my go to for my VHS needs, apparently.)

Night of the Living Gourds

One of my favorites things about fall is pumpkins.  Really, what's not to love?  They're bright, come in numerous shapes and sizes, they're tasty, and even the word "pumpkins" is the best.  Not only is it a fun word to say, it's one of those words that seems to perfectly describe the object that it represents.  A rose by any other name may smell just as sweet, but a pumpkin by any other name would just be wrong.  Or something.  Anyway, I had a day off from work earlier in the week, so I decided to carve up my pumpkins.  This year I decided to do two pumpkins: one regular and one with some bite.


But before we get to the pumpkin carving portion of the blog, I'd like to take a minute to talk to you all about pumpkin transportation safety.  Always be sure to properly secure all pumpkins when transporting them.  You don't want your pumpkins rolling around your vehicle and risk getting busted, do you?

Alright, to the carving!  I've been watching a lot of Martha Stewart lately and saw these pumpkins on her show.  Back in August or September I went to an outdoor showing of New Moon and they gave out these glow in the dark fangs to everyone in the audience.  I never got rid of them, and when I saw Martha's pumpkins I knew I'd have to make one and was super excited to actually get the chance to use the fangs again.

"Say it!"  "You're a, a, A PUMPKIN!"

It took me forever to decide what to do with my other pumpkin.  Last year I carved up an owl and it turned out pretty cute, but I didn't know if I wanted to do it again.  I briefly entertained the idea of doing a Ron Swanson pumpkin or a narwhal pumpkin with the stem acting as a horn, but I'm honestly not that skilled at carving.  So I figured I'd be boring and go with the owl again.  To aide in my carving I ended buying one of those pumpkin carving tool kits at Target.  Let me tell you, that was some of the best four dollars and change I've ever spent.  It really helped speed up the process, especially compared to the paring knife and ice pick combo I used last year.  Yeesh.  DO NOT RECOMMEND. 

So with the aide of my nifty new kit, I started scooping out the seeds and strings and goop, which is one of my favorite parts of pumpkin carving.  There's just something so fun about being elbow deep in some glop.  Kinda like when you were a kid and played in the mud; it's dirty, messy, and kinda gross, but that's part of the appeal.  After scraping all the guck out, I sketched the basic outline of what I wanted my owl to look like on the actual pumpkin, using the ridges as a guide.  I probably could've drawn it out on a piece of paper and then transferred it onto the pumpkin, but I kinda just wanted to start carving and see where it would go.     

Happy Owl-Ween!

What I really liked about this pumpkin was that it had a great round shape, a twisty stem, and these green stripes running down the sides.  The owl only adds to the pumpkin's greatness, in my opinion.

There's one more little pumpkin that I carved up, but instead of using gourd, I used felt.  You might not know this, but I LOVE felt and there are tons of really cool felt crafting books out there.  I bought this book not too long ago and decided to make one of the little felties out of it the other night when I was watching The Walking Dead, because I wanted to craft but also wanted to stay in theme.

To kill a Zomb-kin, rub with olive oil, salt and pepper, and cook at 350 degrees for 45 minutes.

He may be the rotting, re-animated rind of a pumpkin, but his goopy seed-brains are sequined and FABULOUS.  For some reason I kept loosing him that night and it amused me to imagine him running around the house terrorizing the produce.  ZEEEST! ZEEEST!  (That's pumpkin-zombie for brains.  Duh.) 

Happy Halloween! 

I ♥ John Waters

Two reasons (out of many) that I love John Waters:

 

Never change, John.