Believe it or not, I've been to college. And since I've done gone and got myself some education, people will ask me the standard (and never not annoying) post-grad small talk, like if I've got a job and what I'm doing now. Usually I'll regale them with tales about how when I'm not applying for jobs or volunteering or whatever, I watch re-runs of Everybody Hates Chris while playing Farmville and reading the internets. But I'll occasionally disclose that I'm considering going back to school to get a degree in library science. Usually this is met with an "Oh, that's nice," but there are times where I'll get an interesting response from men in which they say, "Oh, that's hot!" To semi-paraphrase Bones: I don't wanna be a sexy librarian! Look, it's fine to find someones career attractive, it's fine to want to be desired and it's fine to have fantasies about a naughty nurse or a slutty schoolteacher, but I find it a bit insulting to superimpose the fantasy onto the reality. It's like everyday is Halloween in some people's minds and every (hot) woman is half nekid for their viewing pleasure.
When someone responds with "that's hot," it's as if myself and my career goals are being reduced down to sex appeal. Can I not have a career without it being "sexy?" Just because I identify as female does not mean that every single thing I do or say or think falls into either "sexy" or "not sexy." And it makes me feel that as a woman, I'm not a real person with real needs, desires and goals--and that's on top of feeling like I'm being belittled and patronized. (Silly lady with your lofty dreams! You just let the menfolk bring home the bacon. And make sure that while you're cooking it you do it in an apron and nothing else. But don't eat any! Can't have you rollin' outta that apron!) And I'm left feeling like someone doesn't care about me as a person, but as an object that fits a narrow-minded view of sexuality to be offered up for consumption, and I should be satisfied by that. Because that would mean I've done my job as a woman, DUH. In a world where women are told to be both a madonna and a whore, is it so much to ask that I don't have to feel the need to be either? To simply be my own self, for myself?
Dammit, I'll bring home my own bacon and fry it and eat it too!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
Pink: It's like red, but not quite
Have you heard of "My New Pink Button"? It's this dye for your lips. No, not those lips, your OTHER lips. Yup, that's right! It's like lipstick for your labia! You've been waiting all your life for a product like this, I know.
For the low price of 29.95 you can have your own jar of "My New Pink Button," the temporary dye that can "restore the youthful pink color back to your labia." Are you a Marilyn? An Audrey? What about a Bettie or a Ginger? Just apply and for 48-72 hours you can have that "fresh" look! And not to worry, "My New Pink Button" is FDA approved and can be used on nipples and penises!
Okay, but seriously--WHUT??!
Now I've heard that labia can change color. And sometimes the change is due to a more serious condition, in which case you should really talk to your doctor. But really? Are we all supposed to go walking around looking like we're in a state of constant arousal? (Don't answer that.) I'm not understanding this product at all. Pink labia=fresh, youthful labia? If your labia isn't bright pink, does that mean you won't be sexually satisfied? And I have so many questions! Will the color transfer? (Because don't we all have enough stains in our drawers?) Does it have a smell/taste? (Crossing fingers for bacon!)
Here's the thing: this feels like yet another product that only adds to the ignorance of what a real woman's body looks like, not to mention it perpetuates the shame and inadequacy some women feel about their sexual organs not being the "ideal." (And can I just say, I am so tired of women being reduced to, and having their worth tied to their sexual organs!) I know one of the selling points is that you can use it on dicks, but the product is marketed towards women, and the truth is women are told on a daily basis that they should fit some ridiculous ideal of what a woman is. Products like this, while they might mean well, aren't necessarily helping.
Look, we're all supposedly adults here. And as adults, I would think we would realize that genitals come in various shapes, sizes, colors, hairiness, and sometimes even scents, and all are perfectly NORMAL. As long as there are no problems, there is no reason anyone should be made to feel inadequate or "not so fresh" because of a slight variation. It's like snowflakes: no two are exactly alike.
For the low price of 29.95 you can have your own jar of "My New Pink Button," the temporary dye that can "restore the youthful pink color back to your labia." Are you a Marilyn? An Audrey? What about a Bettie or a Ginger? Just apply and for 48-72 hours you can have that "fresh" look! And not to worry, "My New Pink Button" is FDA approved and can be used on nipples and penises!
Okay, but seriously--WHUT??!
Now I've heard that labia can change color. And sometimes the change is due to a more serious condition, in which case you should really talk to your doctor. But really? Are we all supposed to go walking around looking like we're in a state of constant arousal? (Don't answer that.) I'm not understanding this product at all. Pink labia=fresh, youthful labia? If your labia isn't bright pink, does that mean you won't be sexually satisfied? And I have so many questions! Will the color transfer? (Because don't we all have enough stains in our drawers?) Does it have a smell/taste? (Crossing fingers for bacon!)
Here's the thing: this feels like yet another product that only adds to the ignorance of what a real woman's body looks like, not to mention it perpetuates the shame and inadequacy some women feel about their sexual organs not being the "ideal." (And can I just say, I am so tired of women being reduced to, and having their worth tied to their sexual organs!) I know one of the selling points is that you can use it on dicks, but the product is marketed towards women, and the truth is women are told on a daily basis that they should fit some ridiculous ideal of what a woman is. Products like this, while they might mean well, aren't necessarily helping.
Look, we're all supposedly adults here. And as adults, I would think we would realize that genitals come in various shapes, sizes, colors, hairiness, and sometimes even scents, and all are perfectly NORMAL. As long as there are no problems, there is no reason anyone should be made to feel inadequate or "not so fresh" because of a slight variation. It's like snowflakes: no two are exactly alike.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Love is a Pap Smear
Okay, so I've been ranting about these stupid pap smear commercials (along with the mammogram commercials and prostate commercials) for a couple of weeks now. But every time I see one, and I just did, I get annoyed all over again.
"Wanna do something special for your woman this Christmas? Schedule her pap smear."
Wanna show me that you really care, go get the damn pap smear for me. Lie down on your back, naked, under a paper robe, with your feet in the air and legs spread eagle while a couple of people pry your insides apart with a cold, metal or plastic instrument and jab around inside you with a giant q-tip for awhile. That would show me love!
And seriously, I am not YOUR woman. I am not anyone's woman but my own.
Nor do I need Jack Black's "Boob-saver 5000."
As thrilled as I am that men are being encouraged to get involved in women's lives, I would be much more thrilled if their involvement didn't revolve around making sure my sexual parts remained in working order for their enjoyment because I'm "your woman" or because everyone loves boobs. Why not ask them to get more involved in childcare or household chores or reproductive rights or social, civil, and economic rights or the prevention of domestic violence?
I have to admit that CBS, the network that airs the pap smear commercials, is an equal opportunity advertiser and also has commercials that recommend women make prostate exam appointments for the men in their lives. Oddly enough, both pap smear and prostate exam ads have a Christian and a Jewish version, which I find strange since I thought that health exams are a rather secular thing.
I don't suppose you can make a commercial without it offending or excluding someone. And while I admire the mission CBS seems to be on, the commercials are a bit like watching a car wreck on the highway. That and I can't help but think a pap smear would be one hell of an item to try and re-gift.
"Wanna do something special for your woman this Christmas? Schedule her pap smear."
Wanna show me that you really care, go get the damn pap smear for me. Lie down on your back, naked, under a paper robe, with your feet in the air and legs spread eagle while a couple of people pry your insides apart with a cold, metal or plastic instrument and jab around inside you with a giant q-tip for awhile. That would show me love!
And seriously, I am not YOUR woman. I am not anyone's woman but my own.
Nor do I need Jack Black's "Boob-saver 5000."
As thrilled as I am that men are being encouraged to get involved in women's lives, I would be much more thrilled if their involvement didn't revolve around making sure my sexual parts remained in working order for their enjoyment because I'm "your woman" or because everyone loves boobs. Why not ask them to get more involved in childcare or household chores or reproductive rights or social, civil, and economic rights or the prevention of domestic violence?
I have to admit that CBS, the network that airs the pap smear commercials, is an equal opportunity advertiser and also has commercials that recommend women make prostate exam appointments for the men in their lives. Oddly enough, both pap smear and prostate exam ads have a Christian and a Jewish version, which I find strange since I thought that health exams are a rather secular thing.
I don't suppose you can make a commercial without it offending or excluding someone. And while I admire the mission CBS seems to be on, the commercials are a bit like watching a car wreck on the highway. That and I can't help but think a pap smear would be one hell of an item to try and re-gift.
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