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Confession:  I've never seen James Cameron's Avatar.  Just never got around to seeing it.  It was one of those movies I wasn't super excited about, so I figured I see it eventually on Netflix or redbox at the very least.  Well, that time is now. 

I was just flipping through the channels and saw Avatar was on fx (god bless wonderful, stupid fx), during what I gather was the climatic battle scene.  My first thought was, "is it supposed to look so cartoon-y?"  Listen, I don't have a fancy tv, and maybe it looks AMAZING in HD, or maybe I did myself a disservice by not seeing it in the theater in 3-D, but man.  Totally cheesy looking.  You remember that really weird cartoon that came on in the 90's that was basically about people and robots and robot dogs living in the internet/matrix before those where real things?  It was called Reboot, and I'm pretty sure someone took a picture of Reboot with instagram and then James Cameron called it Avatar. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello, 90's.

Now let me just add the Fern Gully filter and...Reboot!

It's only been three years since this thing came out!  It should not look like a 90's cartoon already.  It looks really fucking dated, is what I'm saying.  And those damn tails!  Anyway, since I only saw like the last fifteen minutes of this thing, the only comments I can make are:

1)  Reboot.
2) The colors are pretty.  Neons are very in this season.
3) The forest setting with the floating air islands is also pretty. 
4) The animals are pretty cool looking.  Digging the flying things and the galloping horse things.
5) Those TAILS!  
6) The scene with the flaming horse thing is probably supposed to be really heart wrenching, but all I can think is, "That's cool looking.  Maybe it's like a land phoenix?" 
7) Pretty.  This movie is pretty.  And now I can say I've seen Avatar. 

And the award goes to...

Another movie based on a book by that guy.  Hooray. 

Awards won by The Lucky One (Movie, not book.  But maybe both.):

-Best way to clean a random photo you find in the dirt: Spit on it, The Lucky One!     

-Best use of a Dasani water bottle to show the extreme violence and chaos of war: The Lucky One!

-Best eyebrows in an action or drama: Zac Efron, The Lucky One!

They are perfectly coiffed.

-Best cross-county walk not done by Forrest Gump: Zac Efron, The Lucky One! 

-Most annoying kid in a romance or drama: The annoying kid from The Lucky One!

-Coolest and drunkest young grandmother: Blythe Danner, The Lucky One! 

-Blythe Danner's most questionable role: The cool, young grandma, The Lucky One!

-Most in need of Visine: Zac Efron, The Lucky One!

For some reason his eyes were crazy red the whole time...

-Mostly likely to be high (see above): Zac Efron, The Lucky One!

-Best movie made by an actor from Mad Men while Mad Men was on hiatus: Jay R. Ferguson, The Lucky One!

Stan Rizzo!  Anyone named Rizzo is alright by me. (See: Rizzo, Stan; Rat, Rizzo The; Rizzo, Betty AKA Stockard Channing)

-Best attempt to pander to Tim Tebow fans: Naming your character Thibault, The Lucky One!

-Best character who is not actually Drake, the rapper (but should be.  Hello, Degrassi!):  Sgt. Drake Green, The Lucky One! 

Not actually in The Lucky One

-Best Bronte (as in Charlotte, Emily, and Anne) name drop: Julie Beth, The Lucky One! 

-Best sex scene interrupted for ice cream: The barn sex, The Lucky One!

-Best tattoo that looks like it says "No Glory in Farting": Zac Efron's back tattoo, The Lucky One! 

-Best place to store a photo of a woman you (insanely) walked cross-country to find: Under some book, The Lucky One!

-Most secure house (that is actually a dilapidated shack locked by one of those eye-hook lock dealies that you usually see on really seedy bathroom doors):  That piece of shit, The Lucky One! 

-Best place to look for a photo of your ex-wife in her new boyfriend's rathole house: Under that book (which was possibly an autobiography of Rasputin; couldn't really tell but the guy on the cover had serious facial hair and was very Rasputin-y and evil looking), The Lucky One!

Rasputin loves The Notebook.  Cries every time.

-Safest two feet deep "river" (that is apparently very dangerous during the climax of a questionable film): The "river," The Lucky One! 

-Worst constructed tree house: The ramshackle tree house built in a swamp (?) and only accessible by a bridge made of twigs and dirt that transverses a "river," The Lucky One!

-Best movie that could only be improved by use of 3-D: The Lucky One!

-Best movie adapted from a Nicholas Sparks novel that is not The Notebook or The Last Song (which is only good because it's hilariously bad and stars Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth before he was Gale, ugh, so hot): The Lucky One!

So hot.  Not ashamed to admit it.  Team Gale!

-Best movie that has a 20% on Rotten Tomatoes: The Lucky One! 

-Best movie to see when its 500 degrees out and you need AC and a laugh: The Lucky One!  (Pro tip: just save your money and wait till it's on basic cable/streaming on Netflix.)

I love her because she's trash

Marjory the Trash Heap has excellent taste in frames.  You know somebody threw those out with the rest of her and Marjory was all, "PERFECT!"

Also, I have realized I post a lot about Muppets.  Here, there, on facebook, pinterest, everywhere.  

Adult Playground

Pac Man Dress

Giles Deacon Spring/Summer 2009. You know you want one.

Book Burning

Memory Lane

People from my high school are already posting stuff about 10 year reunions on facebook.  I'm responding by perfecting my Heather Mooney impersonation. 

Sunday night with The Walking Dead

It's Sunday, so that means its time for The Walking Dead, everyone's favorite show about zombies and the food that walks among them.  I kind of have a love-hate relationship with the show and decided to attempt a live blog, because why not.  It's not like Downton Abbey is on.

This is that live blog. 

• The episode starts with zombies chasing Shane.  Zombie parade!  Shane is the grand marshal.

• The crows eating the teddy bear in the opening credits always make me laugh.  We all suffer during a zombiepocalypse, even the teddy bears and crows who eat them.

• Alright, back to the episode.  The car slows down at a crossroads.  The scene continues: 

RICK:  Hey Shane, let's talk.  At a literal crossroads.  Because we are at a metaphorical crossroads. 

SHANE: Why not?

RICK: Zombie gossip!  Shane, I heard you left a man for dead.  Wanna talk about it?  And by talk about it I mean I'm just going to talk at you.  No more dangerous, okay Shane?  

SHANE: Sure Rick.  But can I still be in love with your wife? 

ANNNND SCENE.  But seriously, Rick says he was all mad when he found out and Shane and Lori, and then Shane starts talking about how it all began.  OOOH, yes!  How did the zombiepocalyspe start?  I always enjoy it when the characters start talking about the start of the zombiepocalypse because it's still kinda a mystery.  Although Shane doesn't say anything we don't already know, and then calls Rick "brother."  Oh brother, this dialogue.  Yeesh.   

• Cut to Lori and Maggie in the kitchen.  More ladies doing ladies work and talking about men.  It's like an episode of Sex and the City.  Zombies in the City, am I right?  (I am so sorry.) 

• Back to Rick and Shane.  Rick says they need to be more careful about using their guns, so they should start using their knives more to save ammo and to keep from drawing attention to themselves.  NO DUUUHHH!  Why haven't you thought of this before?  Knives are a perfectly good zombie killing tool, and only require a sharp blade and working hand. 

• Rick starts babbling about cake.  God Rick, shut up about the cake.  If there's not any cake here in the car I don't want to hear about it.  

• He must've heard me because how he's blathering about snow and how maybe they can get a snowmobiles.  Snowmobiles?  In Georgia?  Sure Rick, whatever you say.  Ugh, start talking about cake again, please.  (I want some cake.) 

• Rick and Shane walk up to a fence and see a lone zombie.  (Ugh, why do I think Shane is so hot?)   Shane pulls out gun and Rick pulls out a knife.   That's not a knife, Shane.  This is a knife!  

• Rick cuts his finger with the knife.  Let's be blood brothers, Shane!  Wait, no, he's just killing zombies.  (You know, I wouldn't mind seeing Shane, Lori, and Rick all raise the kid together.  What is the nuclear family in a world filled with zombies?  Why can't it be the cop and the partner and the woman who loves/hates them?)

• The guys break a lock on the fence and start checking things out.  Shane calls Rick over to look at some dead bodies and says there's no bite marks.  Rick replies that they must've been scratched.  Hmm...no bites, probably scratches...why do I feel like this will be important?  Hmm...

• Back on the Hershel family farm, the secondary plot is revolving around the blonde woman whose name I don't know who had a nervous breakdown last week and is Maggie's sister, I guess.  She's understandably depressed, and Lori tries to give her a pep talk and suggests they go on a walk later.  Well that was nice.  BACK TO THE ZOMBIES!  

• Rick and Shane pull Randall out from the car and Randall begs Rick and Shane not to leave him.  He used to go on the internet and live with his mom, just like you!  And he knows MAGGIE!  Whoa, really?  Small world.  Randall then follows up with the very good point that they saved him, so why would they kill him now?  Rick decides he wants to take the night and mull this over.  Good grief, Rick.  Shane responds by trying to shoot Randall, and then him and Rick start fighting.  

• DAMN, Shane just headbutted Rick!  You can always count on Shane to do some crazy shit.  

• Commercial time!  OMG, MAD MEN!  YESSSSS.  That weekend is going to be amazing, what with The Hunger Games coming out that Friday and Mad Men coming back on Sunday.  BEST WEEKEND EVER.  

• Alright, back to the show.  More bro fighting, more Shane trying to kill everything.  Rick tells Shane he doesn't get to make the decision on whether or not Randall will live.  This isn't a zombiemocracy, Shane, it's a zombtatorship!  By the way guys, Randall is crawling away.  

• Again, Shane with the crazy shit and throwing a wrench at Rick.  The wrench goes through a window.  And here come the zombies!  

• Now Lori and Andrea are having a fight.  The men don't need your help, Andrea!  Get in the kitchen and make a damn sandwich already!  (Apparently feminism died in the zombiepocalypse. Shut up, Lori.)  Andrea does a MAJOR BURN on Lori about how she has a husband, son, fetus, AND a boyfriend, who Andrea banged in the Hyundai last season.  SO THERE, LORI! 

• Back to Rick and the gang.  Rick ends up on the ground and zombies start falling on top of him.  Zombie pile on Rick!  Tickle fight next! 

• Rick waits till he can get a good shot and kill all the zombies at once.  Alright, that was pretty cool.  Nice work, Rick!  

• Back to blonde woman and Maggie.  Apparently blonde woman is married to Jimmy?  Wait, who is Jimmy? 

• Who cares!  Back to Shane, who jumps on a bus and closes the door in the zombie's faces.  He looks down and sees some fingers.  Ew, who left their fingers on the bus?  

• Shane pulls out a knife and cuts his palm.  Dammit Shane, this isn't the time to become blood brothers with the zombies!  Oh, right.  The knife killing.  

• Shane is the chum in a zombie-shark frenzy. 

• Rick decides to leave Shane and take Randall with him until he sees the two dead guys from earlier, who are sans bite marks, but possibly scratched.  Shane watches them run off, and then the Hyundai comes flying up out of nowhere with Rick hanging out the window shooting at Shane's new blood brothers.  BWHAHAHAHAHAHA, Rick to the rescue of course.  Meanwhile, Randall's neck is duct taped to the headrest and he gets off on the adrenaline rush. 

• Back to Maggie, who yells at Andrea, who left the blonde woman alone.  Blonde woman slit her wrists and Andrea says that since it wasn't deep, blonde woman has made her choice to live.  Maggie tells Andrea to GTFO.  

• We wrap up the episode with Rick and Shane putting a bag over Randall's head and shoving him in the back of the car.  COME ON, guys.  Either kill Randall or don't, but enough of this shit.  

•  Sneak preview of next week.  Apparently there's only 3 episodes left.  Huh.  Who knew?  Also, next week looks like it has lots of Daryl. Yay, Daryl!  This episode could've used more Daryl, but I do like how they didn't try to cram every character in the episode like they usually do, so that's good.  Not too shabby, Walking Dead.  

Like, gag me with a spoon!

Nic Cage plays Randy, a Hollywood punk Romeo who falls in love with Julie, a valley girl Juliet. Julie's dad is an old hippie who runs a health food store (or restaurant?) and the woman who was the voice of Tommy Pickles on Rugrats plays her best friend. There's lots of authentic 80's fashion and music, lots of valley girl speak, and lots of scenes at the mall, because no duh, it's a teen movie. Love a Shakespearian remake!