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Confession:  I've never seen James Cameron's Avatar.  Just never got around to seeing it.  It was one of those movies I wasn't super excited about, so I figured I see it eventually on Netflix or redbox at the very least.  Well, that time is now. 

I was just flipping through the channels and saw Avatar was on fx (god bless wonderful, stupid fx), during what I gather was the climatic battle scene.  My first thought was, "is it supposed to look so cartoon-y?"  Listen, I don't have a fancy tv, and maybe it looks AMAZING in HD, or maybe I did myself a disservice by not seeing it in the theater in 3-D, but man.  Totally cheesy looking.  You remember that really weird cartoon that came on in the 90's that was basically about people and robots and robot dogs living in the internet/matrix before those where real things?  It was called Reboot, and I'm pretty sure someone took a picture of Reboot with instagram and then James Cameron called it Avatar. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello, 90's.

Now let me just add the Fern Gully filter and...Reboot!

It's only been three years since this thing came out!  It should not look like a 90's cartoon already.  It looks really fucking dated, is what I'm saying.  And those damn tails!  Anyway, since I only saw like the last fifteen minutes of this thing, the only comments I can make are:

1)  Reboot.
2) The colors are pretty.  Neons are very in this season.
3) The forest setting with the floating air islands is also pretty. 
4) The animals are pretty cool looking.  Digging the flying things and the galloping horse things.
5) Those TAILS!  
6) The scene with the flaming horse thing is probably supposed to be really heart wrenching, but all I can think is, "That's cool looking.  Maybe it's like a land phoenix?" 
7) Pretty.  This movie is pretty.  And now I can say I've seen Avatar. 

And the award goes to...

Another movie based on a book by that guy.  Hooray. 

Awards won by The Lucky One (Movie, not book.  But maybe both.):

-Best way to clean a random photo you find in the dirt: Spit on it, The Lucky One!     

-Best use of a Dasani water bottle to show the extreme violence and chaos of war: The Lucky One!

-Best eyebrows in an action or drama: Zac Efron, The Lucky One!

They are perfectly coiffed.

-Best cross-county walk not done by Forrest Gump: Zac Efron, The Lucky One! 

-Most annoying kid in a romance or drama: The annoying kid from The Lucky One!

-Coolest and drunkest young grandmother: Blythe Danner, The Lucky One! 

-Blythe Danner's most questionable role: The cool, young grandma, The Lucky One!

-Most in need of Visine: Zac Efron, The Lucky One!

For some reason his eyes were crazy red the whole time...

-Mostly likely to be high (see above): Zac Efron, The Lucky One!

-Best movie made by an actor from Mad Men while Mad Men was on hiatus: Jay R. Ferguson, The Lucky One!

Stan Rizzo!  Anyone named Rizzo is alright by me. (See: Rizzo, Stan; Rat, Rizzo The; Rizzo, Betty AKA Stockard Channing)

-Best attempt to pander to Tim Tebow fans: Naming your character Thibault, The Lucky One!

-Best character who is not actually Drake, the rapper (but should be.  Hello, Degrassi!):  Sgt. Drake Green, The Lucky One! 

Not actually in The Lucky One

-Best Bronte (as in Charlotte, Emily, and Anne) name drop: Julie Beth, The Lucky One! 

-Best sex scene interrupted for ice cream: The barn sex, The Lucky One!

-Best tattoo that looks like it says "No Glory in Farting": Zac Efron's back tattoo, The Lucky One! 

-Best place to store a photo of a woman you (insanely) walked cross-country to find: Under some book, The Lucky One!

-Most secure house (that is actually a dilapidated shack locked by one of those eye-hook lock dealies that you usually see on really seedy bathroom doors):  That piece of shit, The Lucky One! 

-Best place to look for a photo of your ex-wife in her new boyfriend's rathole house: Under that book (which was possibly an autobiography of Rasputin; couldn't really tell but the guy on the cover had serious facial hair and was very Rasputin-y and evil looking), The Lucky One!

Rasputin loves The Notebook.  Cries every time.

-Safest two feet deep "river" (that is apparently very dangerous during the climax of a questionable film): The "river," The Lucky One! 

-Worst constructed tree house: The ramshackle tree house built in a swamp (?) and only accessible by a bridge made of twigs and dirt that transverses a "river," The Lucky One!

-Best movie that could only be improved by use of 3-D: The Lucky One!

-Best movie adapted from a Nicholas Sparks novel that is not The Notebook or The Last Song (which is only good because it's hilariously bad and stars Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth before he was Gale, ugh, so hot): The Lucky One!

So hot.  Not ashamed to admit it.  Team Gale!

-Best movie that has a 20% on Rotten Tomatoes: The Lucky One! 

-Best movie to see when its 500 degrees out and you need AC and a laugh: The Lucky One!  (Pro tip: just save your money and wait till it's on basic cable/streaming on Netflix.)